


Luminous

by 13th_blackbird



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Legends: I Jedi - Michael A. Stackpole, Star Wars Legends: X-Wing Series - Aaron Allston & Michael Stackpole
Genre: F/M, Fluff, Healing Sex, Hurt/Comfort, Married Sex, awkward conversations with Luke Skywalker, sexy Force use, unrealistic ways to recover from emotional trauma
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-15
Updated: 2017-11-15
Packaged: 2019-02-02 19:43:10
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,472
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12733056
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/13th_blackbird/pseuds/13th_blackbird
Summary: [Takes place after "Berth Duty," but can be read alone.]After Corran's encounter with the Invids and Mirax's kidnapping, the two of them have some healing to do.





	Luminous

**Author's Note:**

> Sequel to Berth Duty [http://archiveofourown.org/works/12719445], but can be read alone.

“Corran,” Luke said, hesitantly. “I’m sorry, but I noticed that - there’s a shadow on your presence in the Force. It’s like a wound, or a bruise.”

I should have known that Luke would see it. For him, it was probably harder not to notice. I said nothing for a long moment, feeling awash in guilt and knowing that he could probably see that too. 

“Tavira…wanted me as her consort,” I finally said. “And I couldn’t say no without blowing my cover and endangering Mirax.” 

Luke nodded solemnly. “I can see that it’s tied up in sex and trust.” Listening to Luke talk about this kind of thing was like torture. Even though we were the same age, and I knew there was something going on between him and Mara, he seemed above all of this messy stuff with bodies. “You should see Cilghal - she might be able to help heal you.”

I stared at him. I couldn’t even imagine talking to _Luke_ about the details of the twisted way Tavira had made me feel. The Calamari might be a skilled healer, but we weren’t close enough for me to open up to her about any of what had happened to me. “No way. This is _private._ I did what I had to do and I’ll just have to deal with it.”

“You need to do something about it, Corran,” Luke insisted. “You were hurt by your encounter with Exar Kun, more than you realize. And whatever happened with Tavira - it was another violation when you were already recovering from that. It’s preventing you from fully connecting with the Force. Just like any wound, psychic wounds can become worse over time if they are not treated.”

I didn’t say anything. Memories crashed through me, and I knew that, even if Luke was trying, respectfully, not to pry into my mind, he must have some impression of them. 

“Look, Corran -“ He seemed to realize something. “I’ll admit that the relationship between the Force and sexuality isn’t really an…area of my expertise -“ I wished I was anywhere else, having any other conversation, “-but the bond you share with Mirax, even if she isn’t Force-sensitive herself, is part of your connection to the Force. At least…talk to her about this, if you won’t seek help elsewhere.”

“If I do, will _you_ promise not to talk about this again, ever?” I asked. 

“Oh, I don’t know,” Luke said lightly. “I might ask you to come and give a guest lecture on it at the academy. It might be interesting for the other students.”

I groaned. 

 

—-

I tried to follow Luke’s advice, but I couldn’t bring myself to do it on the journey home in the close quarters on the Skate. When we arrived, we both had a lot of explaining to do to Cracken and Tycho. Between the two of us, we would have been in debriefings for weeks. I suspected that a quiet word from Luke had put a stop to that, but we still ended up explaining what had happened to each of us at least five times after we touched down on Coruscant before we were allowed to go home. We were so exhausted that we fell into bed immediately, and I was secretly relieved that, between the lack of privacy on the Pulsar Skate and our exhaustion, there was no question of either of us trying to seduce the other. 

I hadn’t expected to wake up screaming. The details of the dream were muddled - _the dark, twisted features of Exar Kun’s statue, Tavira whispering “You like this, don’t you?,” my own vision of myself as the arrogant pirate I’d feared I could have become, pulling the trigger on the controls of an X-wing and firing on a ship that looked a lot like the Pulsar Skate_. I could feel the “dark spot” that Luke had told me I had - like a twisted ankle or a pulled muscle, something not quite painful, just _off_ , but in my mind instead of my body. 

“Corran? Corran!” Mirax grabbed my shoulder, and I startled, suddenly completely awake and gasping for air. I wiped cold sweat from my forehead. 

“Sorry I woke you,” I mumbled. 

She didn’t meet my eyes. “I wasn’t exactly sleeping, myself.” 

I looked at her more closely and cursed myself for being so worried about my own problems. I hadn’t even noticed the beginnings of dark shadows under her eyes. “Mirax…” I brushed her hair away from her face. “What is it?”

She laughed, a little darkly.“I’m afraid if I fall asleep, I won’t wake up again,” she paused. “I just — I can’t believe I let myself get caught like that. So helpless. They could have killed me in my sleep and I couldn’t have done anything about it.” She shuddered. 

“I would have known if anything was happening to you,” I insisted. “I knew you were alive, I knew when you had been put in stasis.”

“I know, Corran,” she snuggled closer to me. “But they were good - they would have beat us without the help we had. I know that I was under for a while. I know you had to do terrible things to find me. I…saw things while I was in stasis. I’m not sure what was a dream and what was real, but…”

“Are you _sure_ you’re not Force-sensitive?” I asked, trying for a teasing tone, but truly her perception, as always, shocked me. 

She gave me an uncharacteristically serious look. “You have to tell me. Whatever it is you’re holding back, I have to know. I can help.”

I told her about the academy, how I had struggled to understand the way Luke taught, the way I’d pushed back. My complete lack of skill with telepathy, which made her laugh. She got serious when I told her about Exar Kun, about his offer, about how he had infiltrated my mind. She looked at me witheringly, “You’re an idiot, you know that, right?” 

“I know, but —“ I tried to explain, but she cut me off. 

“Only you would think you could fight a millennia-old dark lord of the Sith with explosive charges. Fighter jocks!” She scoffed, then her face softened. “That kind of dumb lateral thinking is why I love you, though. I’ll get over being angry at you, since you survived.” 

“There’s more, though,” I sighed, running my hands through my hair. “It’s almost worse.” And I told her about infiltrating the Invids, fighting against the Rogues, flying against Tycho, about beating Remart, getting him killed. About Tavira. Her offer. And — I faltered. 

“You couldn’t say no, could you?” she murmured. I felt a rush of gratitude to her. I didn’t deserve her. She knew me better than I knew myself.

“No,” I said, trying not to look at her. “Not without blowing my cover. I had a plan to get out of it, but she came to visit and — she cornered me. She, uh, tied me up. And drugged me.” I hated the way my voice cracked. It felt like I was making excuses for my infidelity. “It made me hate myself, Mirax. I _liked_ it. I thought I wanted it, wanted her, but — I almost lost myself in my cover identity. I—“ I stopped. She looked like she was remembering something. 

“I _saw_ it happen,” she breathed. “Corran…you didn’t like it. You hated it. You were scared, you felt guilty…”

“But I…” I gestured helplessly. “You know, I —“

“That was your body responding to what she did to you. She had you trapped and she loved it.” Mirax’s eyes burned dangerously. “Next time I see her, I’ll kill her for what she did to you.”

Relief washed over me. It was like I’d been carrying something heavy and had finally been able to put it down. “You’re not angry?” My voice was rough. 

“Not at you,” Mirax said, pulling me close. “That’s a lot, Corran. Have you talked to Master Skywalker about any of this?”

I shuddered, “Yes, and it was _embarrassing_. He told me I should talk to you.” I explained, haltingly, about his theory about our bond, and my “shadow-wound.”

Mirax quirked an eyebrow at me. “So the galaxy’s only Jedi Master told you to go home and have sex with your wife?” 

“Um. I guess he did.”

“Are you ready for that? You’ve been hurt. This doesn’t need to happen now, or even soon…”

I truly did not deserve Mirax, I thought for the thousandth time. I tell her I betrayed her, find out she _saw_ it (and that definitely deserved further investigation, just - not now), and she doesn’t want to do anything except help me. Well, and kill Tavira. 

“What do you think?” I asked. “I trust you.”

She responded by kissing me. “I missed you. And as doctor’s orders go, it’s not a bad one.” Suddenly serious, she touched my cheek gently. “If you want to stop, just say so.” 

I wanted her so badly, but I immediately felt myself tense up. She looked at me, a question in her eyes. “You’re going to have to take the lead,” I mumbled. 

“Oh no, how terrible,” she deadpanned. She pushed me down on the bed and started to massage my shoulders. “It’s all right. We’ll go slow.” 

“Is that a threat or a promise?” I tried to joke, with my face pressed into the bed. If she could feel my pulse escalating, she knew I was just trying to cover. 

“Shh,” she said. “It’s okay, Corran. It’s me.” 

After a few minutes, I was able to relax into her touch, “You’re good at that,” I moaned. 

“You’re gonna owe me back, you know,” she said, slipping her hands under my shirt. “Can I?” 

“Yeah,” I said after only a moment’s hesitation. She undressed me slowly, kissing my exposed flesh and making me shiver. I was starting to breathe hard, and not from fear. “That’s it,” she said, guiding my hands to the thin shirt she was wearing. “Go on.” 

Seeing her naked, all my fear fell away. She was so beautiful, and nothing like Tavira. Tavira had been beautiful, even I could admit that, but hard and cold. Mirax was lithe and athletic, voluptuous. Her pleasure was obvious, written all over her face. This was my wife — she had seen me at my worst and still wanted me. I pulled her on top of me, running my hands over the tips of her breasts. She shivered with pleasure and smiled down at me. She clasped her hands over mine and pulled them down to the bed as she kissed me deeply. I froze, and she drew back immediately. “She held you down,” she said, not questioning, and let me go. 

“Yeah,” I admitted. “I, uh - I wouldn’t mind if you wanted to do it, though.”

“You liked it, but not with her.”

“I didn’t want her. I didn’t trust her. I trust you with my life, Mirax.”

“I know,” she murmured, “Thanks for rescuing me.” She nipped at my neck, kissing down the length of my body. She stroked my cock and I groaned. “My pleasure,” I gasped. 

“Mm,” she said, “She didn’t do this,” and took me in her mouth. 

“No,” I gasped, losing myself in the hot slickness of her mouth. She hummed with pleasure as I panted, trying to touch her. She glanced up at me, her hair in her face, her eyes dark, and winked. 

“That’s my move,” I huffed. 

She pulled herself up, laughing, and sat astride me, “I can’t wait to feel you come, Corran,” and then I was inside her. She clenched around me, coming already, moaning my name. I caressed every inch of her skin that I could reach, rubbing my thumb over her clit, wanting to feel her come over and over again, even as I felt my own orgasm rushing closer. 

And then time seemed to slow. I could feel every inch of each thrust and the ripples of warmth that spread over my body. Mirax’s hands felt like sunlight playing over my bare skin, soft and warm. I held her closer, and it seemed like I could feel the answering waves of pleasure in her body. She looked at me, eyes wide, “Corran —?”

“It’s the Force,” I gasped. “You can feel it, too?” I’d thought I couldn’t reach out to it with Tavira because I was distracted, but I’d been actively blocked from fear — with Mirax, I felt more open to it than I ever had before. I could see the lines of power flowing into our bodies, into each other, building into a feedback loop that rose, crested, and spread wider as we touched each other. 

“Oh…I —ah!” Mirax’s eyes rolled back as orgasm shook her again. “I feel it.”

“Can you…see?” I breathed. “It’s beautiful. You’re beautiful.” She was glowing with it, lit from within by the energy. And I could — I sensed myself slipping under, but felt like there was something else I was supposed to be doing. I reached out with my senses and _pulled_ the looping energy over us, letting it wash over the darkness in my mind, the doubt and fear that had accumulated and blocked me. 

I could see Mirax’s own corresponding wound, the fear that kept her up at night, and let it pour over her as well. She cried out, her body tightening around me, sending me over the edge, and everything went white as we came together, clutching at each other and shaking helplessly with the power and pleasure of it. 

“Corran—“ Miran breathed. I opened my eyes — my physical eyes — and realized we were hovering over the bed, not on it. I laughed and used the last bit of the energy to set us gently down. 

We laid next to each other, breathing hard. I looked at Mirax with wonder, and she grinned helplessly at me. I kissed her, awash in wonder at how much I loved her. 

“I felt what you did,” she said. “Thank you.”

“I didn’t do it,” I said, shaking my head. “I think we both did it, for each other. It was instinct. We’re bonded through the Force - that’s how I knew you were missing. And…Mirax —“ In my view, she was still radiating light from inside, the Force pulsing around her more strongly than I’d ever seen it around someone who wasn’t a Jedi. “I think —“

She smiled shyly, placing my hand over her stomach. “I can see it too, Corran. I think I can feel her, too, already.”

“Or him,” I said. 

“No, I think not,” she laughed. 

I pulled her close, wrapping my arms around her, reveling in the scent and feel of her next to me, and we both dropped into dreamless sleep. 

 

 


End file.
